Stress and loss of control
So 2020. What about that then? The year that keeps on giving... For obvious reasons I have been thinking about anxiety a lot recently.
Shutterstock image: 1395298502 by fizkes
Stress containers
As I have said before, we all experience anxiety and stress and I have found it helpful to think of us all having a container into which that stress pours. How much stress that container can take before it spills out everywhere uncontrollably is linked to our resilience. Some types and causes of stress affect different people to different amounts depending on their resilience to it. And we all have coping mechanisms to deal with stress, which is like a tap at the bottom of the container which releases the stress in a controlled fashion. Some coping mechanisms are more effective and helpful than others, but we all have our own.
And then 2020 has happened to us all and there has been a deluge of other stresses and anxieties pouring into all of our containers. And we are all at increased risk of overflow. I think this means that we really need to double down on our coping mechanisms. What worked before is probably not going to be enough anymore and we need to increase our focus on our wellbeing and try additional things on top of our usual. Really make sure we are taking time out for us and those around us.
Getting fresh air, taking breaks, setting limits on our workday, not replying to emails and messages late into the night, doing things that we love – that are just for us. Whatever we did in 2019 – but more.
Control
I had been planning to write this article on anxiety before the vaccine approvals that came through in the UK this week. But news like this can add to our stress as we focus on the uncertainty around it. When will I get the vaccine? When will those I care about? When will “normal” return? Even positive news can bring the anxiety associated with any change and the unknown; things that we feel are out of our control.
With the unknown, we find ourselves, thinking “What if…?”, “What if…?”, “What if…?” as our survival instinct plans for the worst. So if you are feeling anxious about all of the uncertainty around at the moment then the first thing to do is to realise it is OK to feel that.
One of the things that happens is that we feel like we are losing control – things are just happening to us without any input from us. As always seems to be the case with these sorts of reactions the truth tends to be somewhat different. So to help in these situations it’s often worth thinking about what control we actually do and don’t have. And if I am dealing with this sort of uncertainty, I try to identify three lists of things:
i) What can I control?
ii) What can I influence?
iii) What is out of our control
Doing this has a few benefits. First it is often surprising the list of things that we can control or influence. Second, even the list of things that are out of our control will often generate ideas of other things that we can control or influence. And finally, any sort of awareness and structuring of these thoughts helps take away some of the uncertainty.
Once you have worked out the things you can control and influence you can start to take action which starts to rebuild your sense of having control. Don’t try and solve everything at once or you will just feel overwhelmed. But start to identify small things that you can control or influence and focus on those.
This is not a panacea that will solve everything, but it will help and couple it with really practicing self-care and please take care of yourselves.
If you are struggling with anxieties as you return to work and looking for someone to support you then please get in touch at richard@newdaycoaching for a free, no obligation introductory chat to explore how I may be able to help you through this time. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/121-coaching
If you are an employer and would like to talk about how to support people through anxiety and stress then drop me an email at the same address to discuss the benefits holding a session or series of sessions to do just that. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/public-speaking
