Having a conversation about mental health - Part One
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Apologies for the lack of posting - I needed to spend some time practicing what I preach and looking after my own wellbeing.
Ive written a lot about looking after your mental health, but over the coming weeks I want to offer some thoughts from the other side – for managers and other colleagues who want to offer support for colleagues who may be struggling, or who they think may be struggling.
So where to start?
Most of the questions or comments I have had since I started talking about this subject have been around concerns people have about what they can do to support or even talk to someone who may be struggling with their mental health and fears about “making things worse” – so let’s start there. What do you do if someone wants to talk about their mental health?
I think that lockdown and office closures actually have a massive impact on our ability to recognise when people are finding things difficult. As line managers and colleagues in teams we get to know each other pretty well and are well placed to notice when someone is behaving out of character. That is harder when we are interacting virtually, but the fact remains that we do know each other and if you do think someone is acting out of character or different from what you expect, then what happens if you want to check in with them? How can we get over nervousness of that conversation? The first step is to ask them if everything is OK. It is that simple.
One thing that may be worth trying is to include a routine check in question as part of your regular 1-2-1s. Not the traditional introduction but a genuine conversation about how you are doing. My boss and I always genuinely ask each other how things are going when we catch up. And we are both comfortable being honest about that. So make it routine, make it genuine and if you are comfortable being honest about your own then this stops being a big issue.
It’s just a conversation
I think the important thing is to not build this up into a bigger thing than it actually is. You are just having a supportive compassionate conversation with another human being. If you enter into it with positive intent, don’t worry about saying the wrong thing or using the wrong language, your compassion will trump all that. And you won’t make anything worse.
Don’t feel you have to fix everything
You are not a trained professional, so this is not going to be a therapy session. Do a bit of research before the conversation so you know some other services that you can signpost people towards. But please believe how much value you will provide just by genuinely caring and providing space for someone to talk. As someone who has been on both sides of these conversations, to have someone obviously care about how I am doing and give me the chance to talk at my own pace is a priceless experience.
Plan your conversation
Make sure you aren’t going to be disturbed. Give yourself plenty of time so you don’t have to rush. If they start to brush questions off with statements like “I’m fine”, talk about specific reasons why you have been concerned and reassure them you are there to listen not to judge. If they get upset let them take their time and don’t be worried about pauses or silence and don’t feel the need to fill them - allow them the space to think. Don’t feel you have to come up with actions – tell them you want to reflect on what they heard but arrange a time to check back in.
Non-judgemental listening
This is about putting aside our own views and simply listen and respect them There are 3 conditions, which together, are necessary to form a safe environment where the person feels comfortable enough to speak openly without the fear of judgement.
Acceptance – even though the other person’s views may be different to ours, it is essential that we respect and accept them. We should be understanding of the other’s experiences, regardless of our own.
Genuineness – it is important that your body language matches what you say to show the speaker that what you say is genuine.
Empathy – try to really understand and hear what the other person is saying. Imagine yourself in their position to truly feel what they are feeling.
I’ll pick this up with Part 2 in the next few days and I will cover dealing with intense emotion in conversations. Let me know if there is anything else you would like to see covered.
As always, there is loads of similar advice out there – so do checkout the information here if you want to know more:
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/supporting-someone-mental-health-problem
If you are struggling with anxieties as you return to work and looking for someone to support you then please get in touch at richard@newdaycoaching for a free, no obligation introductory chat to explore how I may be able to help you through this time. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/121-coaching
If you are an employer and would like to talk about how to support people through anxiety and stress above and beyond an EAP then drop me an email at the same address to discuss the benefits holding a session or series of sessions to do just that. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/public-speaking
