This is the Hampshire “Speak Their Name” memorial quilt. There are loads of these around the country, made by people who have lost loved ones to suicide, determined they should not be forgotten and determined to banish the stigma of talking about suicide and its impacts.

I don’t tell my story often. Not because I want to hide it although it is still hard after 15 years, but because it feels like such a little story compared to those heartfelt, incredibly sad stories that I see others share. But I wanted to share the impacts that stigma around suicide had on me and why we need it to end.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day and depending on your relationship with social media algorithms, you may see posts today from people who've lost loved ones to suicide saying they didn’t know how bad things had become – and that doesn't surprise me. I’ve often said that people who are really struggling, develop skills worthy of Oscar winning actors.

When things got really bad for me in 2008, I got really good at hiding how bad I was feeling. As things spiralled downwards, a massive part of my pain was that I was tired of being a burden and a failure all the time, I didn’t want to continue to let down those most important to me, I didn’t want to be a disappointment to everyone close to me. And when that pain is constant and insidious, opening up and saying I was struggling, or asking for help, or admitting how dark things were getting would be further evidence that I was a disappointment. And the stigma around suicide made that worse. It made it feel like talking about it would define me as weak, as a failure. So I, like so many others, created a mask for the world. It wasn't perfect, no-one would have thought I was feeling fantastic but it was stunningly effective at hiding the darkness of my thoughts.

I know now asking for help isn’t weakness – it was the bravest thing I have ever done – and I still find it hard. And I know that my internal conversations were completely unhelpful. But when the conversations in your mind turn dark, it’s so hard to hear anything else, and the stigma around suicide might be adding to inhibitions around talking about how bad things are. So we need to remember the names of people lost, talk about their lives and do everything we can to eliminate the stigma around suicide. So that when people are feeling dark, they feel that talking is a way out of the pain and offers hope not danger.

If you are struggling and taking other people’s silence for evidence that no-one cares, it’s not true – it could just be evidence of how well you are masking your pain. Someone somewhere will be there for you. It may be your closest loved ones, a friend or a colleague, a GP, or a stranger through one of the many support services available. If no-one else – then drop me a line. I hope you find a way to lower the mask and ask for that help.

It will make a difference.

I am living proof of that.