I worked for a short while for the Samaritans on their project with Network Rail aimed at reducing suicide on the railways. We spoke to loads of amazing staff who worked at stations all over the country who had stories to tell about people in distress on platforms. A common fear they had noticed before approaching these people was of how to start a conversation. And a fear of possibly making things worse.
Our brains are conditioned to expect the response “I’m fine. How are you?” to a greeting. But if we suspect there is something not fine, we worry about what to say after a non-standard response. What do you say if someone says “I’m really struggling” or “Things are pretty hard right now”, or you are met with tears? And if you suspect that may happen in a workplace then those worries can be amplified.
I have worked with and spoken to managers who all want to be supportive to people they work but are unsure of what they can do or say. In the working environment there can be the added pressure caused by a more formal relationship or a perceived need to “appear professional”.
I know there are loads of highly trained people out there who have studied for years to develop truly exceptional skills to support people who are struggling. I have been fortunate enough to have worked with, and been supported by, some of them. But you really don’t need to be a professional to lend a sympathetic ear.
Since opening up about my own mental health issues at work, I have been truly honoured that people now feel OK to come and talk to me about their own issues. And the good news is that by following a few simple tips you can be a great help to people just by being open to listen to them without judging.
Find somewhere comfortable and safe to have the conversation. This doesn’t have to be out of the office, but it can help. Ask what would work best.
Make sure the conversation is truly about them. So often when we are having conversations, we are really only listening to know when we can put forward our own thoughts. But if we take the pressure off ourselves to always have something to say and listen with genuine interest we can focus on truly paying attention to what is going on for the other person. That’s not to say you can’t contribute to the conversation but with that pressure to speak off you, anything you do want to offer will be with the intention of helping them.
Give them space and time to talk. So many of us are uncomfortable with silences in conversations. But this is going to be really difficult for them and they will welcome the time and freedom to talk at their own pace. So don’t be afraid to let them work through their thoughts in peace.
Try to ask questions rather than offer “solutions”. Even if you have your own personal experience to draw on you can’t really know exactly how someone is feeling or what is going on for them, especially at first. So focus on really being interested in them and what they are saying and ask questions to help your understanding and give them “permission” to open up.
Please never underestimate how much good you can do just by lending a friendly ear and a reassurance that you are there and not judging. That you will be there if they need to talk again. Just be a decent friendly human and you can make a real difference
If you want to find out more about how you can help, then check out the Heads Together or Time to Change websites. Or please get in touch. This is a subject that really matters to me, and I would be only to happy to help if I can.
If you are struggling with anxieties as you return to work and looking for someone to support you then please get in touch at richard@newdaycoaching for a free, no obligation introductory chat to explore how I may be able to help you through this time. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/121-coaching
If you are an employer and would like to talk about how to support people through anxiety and stress above and beyond an EAP then drop me an email at the same address to discuss the benefits holding a session or series of sessions to do just that. https://www.newdaycoaching.co.uk/public-speaking